Surviving a horrible labour experience and being a single mom: Simone Ebanks

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Simone being her usual cheerful self.

Hey everyone, the spotlight on motherhood continues this week with my one of dearest friends Simone (she’s more like a sister really) who has been a part of my life for 16 years. I thought it fitting to share her story because she really inspires me. Between being a registered nurse (on a VERY understaffed psychiatric ward), a college student, and a single mom to a two-year-old daughter, she’s like one of those ‘supermoms’ you hear of all the time. I really don’t understand where she finds the strength to do all these things, but… she does, so I’ll let her explain. Enjoy! 🙂

What was your reaction when you first realised you were going to be a mother? 

Girl, I was overjoyed… very excited! My brain cells were flying! I couldn’t keep the excitement in. I did the pregnancy test about four times  just to make sure lol!

There was no fear? No doubts?
Yes, after I regained all my senses I started wondering how well I could I do the job, whether or not I was really ready for it, if I could bear the labour pains, etc. But I decided that I would take it a step at a time. At the time, too, my partner was a very different person, very supportive.

How was your pregnancy?
In the first trimester I was at home so I had time to rest, I didn’t have to deal with work. Didn’t have a lot of morning sickness either, just a little nausea in the evenings… my skin was horrible though! The second trimester went well, my skin cleared up beautifully, I was pampered and had a lot of help, then in the third I found out about my gestational diabetes and the fact that Amirah had her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, so that caused a lot of concern. Overall I can say it was a good pregnancy though, I looked lovely!

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Caught in a motherly moment with baby Amirah.

Did you get more fearful closer to the date?
I did at first, but I kept telling myself that I would be ready when my time came and I was… I prepared my mind and body for the pain.

And on the actual day? How was the process?
Very difficult! They had to induce labour, and the experience went downhill from there. I was traumatised for months… but, thank God, my baby was fine, although I couldn’t see her right away.

Well after all of that when you finally saw Amirah, how did you feel? What was that moment like?
My first thought was literally ‘OMG! That’s really my baby!’ I felt like… like a new person.

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Amirah’s first day of school.

And now what is being a mother like for you? How has the experience changed over time?

I definitely have to think about her before I make any kind of move, however small. I have taken life from a completely different angle… it’s not about me anymore. I learn a lot from her, even though she’s just two. It’s a whole new way of experiencing life.

Do you worry that the relationship between yourself and her father, or any other man will affect her negatively?

I do think about that at times, and it makes me sad, angry, and afraid. It also makes me very uncomfortable because I wanted a different relationship with her father, especially for her. As for other men, I’ve had my share of bad relationships so that is on hold for now because honestly, I am scared. I don’t think I can manage the hurt that I’ve had to deal with recently any time soon. My focus is on my daughter and myself, and whoever next I choose to be with must love and respect her as a father would.

What about being a single mom? That must be difficult for you, especially as that’s not the way things started out…
It’s hard as fuck. It’s tiring (sigh) and it’s stressful most of the times but when I see her and remember all the sweet little things she says and does it makes my heart smile, and it’s all worth it. As a nurse I work 16-hour days, sometimes more, and when I get home exhausted she’s up, she meets me at the door and is just bursting with all these stories about her day.

You have so much going on, and you’re constantly battling with the father of your child… between court hearings and day-to-day parenting issues, what gives you the strength to go on?

Amirah. She gives me strength… wanting to provide for her and give her the best life that I can. Also, my love of life, the drive to achieve my goals, and the love of my family and friends keep me going.

What would you say is the hardest part of motherhood?
A few things… from my experience, I’d say always worrying about your child’s safety and well-being, and thinking about whether you’re gonna be able to provide for your baby at all times. Plus having a stressful father for my child causes motherhood to be rough as hell, but I must say a big thanks to my mom, my sisters and my friends. I can safely say because of their support I haven’t become a depressed individual.

Speaking of your mom, what would you say is the best thing that you’ve learnt from her?
Never give up, have faith and trust in God. Everything I know I learnt from her, she is a strong woman and has been my rock throughout the the years. I strive to be the same for my daughter.

And what is the most important thing you want your daughter to learn from you?
To be independent, to always have faith, and to be strong.

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Simone and Amirah on Mothers’ Day.

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3 thoughts on “Surviving a horrible labour experience and being a single mom: Simone Ebanks

  1. Pingback: Jamaican reggae artistes join JAMHAN for #mentalhealthmatters campaign – TAMI TSANSAI

  2. Pingback: We are not selfish: a view from the inside of suicide – TAMI TSANSAI

  3. Pingback: It’s Suicide Prevention Week, here’s what you should know… | Mindful Over Matter

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